How Single Moms Can Prioritize Themselves Without Guilt
Being a single mom is a whole job in itself, isn’t it? You’re wearing all the hats—caretaker, teacher, chef, chauffeur, therapist. And somewhere in that chaos, you’re supposed to find time for yourself? For years, I put myself on the back-burner, thinking that’s just what moms do. But what I’ve learned is putting yourself first doesn’t make you a bad mom, It makes you a way better one.
It’s not easy, though. We’re conditioned to believe that being selfless is the ultimate goal of motherhood, but that mindset is exactly what leaves us running on empty. So here are five tips I’ve learned to make, unapologetically—for me, for my sanity, and ultimately, for my kids too.
Say “No” Without Explaining Yourself
For the longest time, I was a “yes” mom. If annyone asked- can you do this? Sure. Can you do that? If I can- heck, sure, why not? But every yes was at the expense of my peace.
Here’s the truth: “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t *owe* anyone a backstory, a justification, or a rain check. Sometimes, your “no” is simply because you need to rest, and that’s reason enough. The moment I started protecting my time and energy, I felt lighter. And you know what? The world kept turning.
Put Your Kids to Bed and Stay Up for Yourself
This one was a constant debate with myself. When my kids finally went to sleep, I’d look at the dishes, the laundry basket, or the messages i still haven’t gotten to—and I’d dive right into “catch-up” mode. By the time I finished, I was too exhausted to do anything for myself. I changed that habit by chipping away at things throughout my day instead of leaving it all for the late night.
Now? My kids’ bedtime is my cue to check in with me. Maybe I write, read, or just sit in the quiet with my thoughts. Some nights, I may even binge-watch trashy TV (ya got me) with zero guilt. Because moms don’t need to “earn” their downtime. You’re allowed to just exist without being productive every second.
Stop Setting Yourself on Fire to Keep Others Warm
I used to be the person who’d stretch herself thin for everyone. Someone needed a favor? I’d rearrange my entire schedule to make it happen. Someone was having a hard day? I’d pour from my already empty cup to comfort them.
But here’s the thing: sacrificing yourself constantly isn’t love, and wearing yourself out to the point of exhaustion doesn’t make you a hero. I had to learn that it’s okay to put up boundaries, to prioritize myself, even if that means someone else has to figure things out without me. My kids don’t need a mom who’s always available to everyone else; they need one who’s whole, happy and not burnt out
Invest in Something That’s Just for You
This could be anything—a gym membership, a class you’ve been dying to take, or even just a new book you’ve been eyeing. For me, it was working on my blog. Creating something that’s mine, that reminds me I’m more than just “Mom,” has been life-changing.
When you’re a single mom, it’s easy to feel like every dollar and every minute has to go toward your kids. And while they are, of course, your priority, you’re allowed to have dreams too. Your kids benefit from seeing you chase those dreams because it teaches them to chase theirs too.
Let Go of the Guilt
This one’s a toughie. We’re so wired to feel guilty about everything—working too much, not working enough, being overstimulated when we’re tired, or taking five minutes to ourselves when things become just a bit too much. But guilt is a hell of a trap, and it keeps you from showing up as your best self.
Here’s what I’ve learned: my kids don’t need me to be perfect; they need me to be present. And I can’t be present if I’m constantly beating myself up for what I think I should be doing. So, I let go of the guilt—every single day if I have to—and remind myself that I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.
Final Thoughts
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself. And as single moms, we’ve got enough on our plates without adding self-neglect to the mix. So make the moves you need to make, and don’t apologize for them.
Because at the end of the day, when you pour into yourself, you’re not just doing it for you—you’re doing it for your kids too. They deserve a mom who knows her worth, who’s confident enough to put herself first, and who teaches them that taking care of yourself is the ultimate act of self-love.
Go ahead, Mama. Take up that space. You deserve it.
