Loving Me First: why self-love is the ultimate relationship goal for single moms
In a world that often tells us our worth is defined by the people around us—the friendships, partnerships, and family connections—it can feel almost rebellious to prioritize self-love. Yet, for me, self-love has become my ultimate relationship goal. It’s the foundation I build on, the place I return to, and the driving force behind every choice I make.
Learning the Hard Way
For a long time, I chased relationships even knowing they were no good for me, hoping they’d fill the gaps. I thought being loved by others would complete me, but I quickly learned that no amount of external validation could heal wounds that needed my own care. I’d find myself feeling empty even when surrounded by others, realizing that it wasn’t the people in my life who could fix it—it was up to me. Self-love had to be a priority, not an afterthought.
Setting Boundaries for My Well-being
Self-love means understanding that my well-being is just as important as anyone else’s. It’s about setting boundaries that protect my energy and my peace, even when it’s difficult. Learning to say “no” has been a journey of its own—one filled with moments of discomfort but also incredible growth. Saying “no” to what doesn’t serve me is saying “yes” to the things that truly matter. It’s a practice in valuing myself enough to guard my time and energy.
Redefining Happiness
When I put myself first, I’ve noticed a shift in what happiness means to me. It’s less about fleeting moments of excitement and more about a lasting sense of contentment. I started finding joy in simple routines, in moments of peace, and in small victories. Self-love has helped me find a deep-rooted happiness that isn’t tied to anyone else’s actions or opinions. I’ve come to understand that my happiness is my responsibility, and it’s my choice to cultivate it every day.
Embracing Imperfections
One of the most beautiful gifts of self-love is learning to embrace my imperfections. I stopped holding myself to impossible standards and started appreciating myself for exactly who I am—flaws, quirks, and all. Self-love doesn’t mean ignoring the parts of me that need growth; it means holding space for those parts with compassion. I’ve become my biggest advocate, encouraging myself to improve without being my harshest critic.
Being My Own Best Friend
Loving myself first also means being there for myself, especially in tough times. I’ve learned to comfort myself, to cheer myself on, and to believe in myself. I’ve started to treat myself the way I’d treat my closest friends, with kindness, patience, and understanding. This relationship I’ve built with myself is one I can always count on, regardless of where life takes me.
Foundation for Healthier Relationships
Ironically, making self-love my biggest relationship goal has actually deepened my connections with others. I now approach relationships from a place of wholeness rather than need. I’m no longer looking to others to complete me, but to complement the life and joy I’ve created for myself. Self-love has given me the confidence to walk away from relationships that drain me and to pour into the ones that uplift me.
The Journey Continues
Self-love is a journey with no destination. It’s a practice, a commitment, and a daily choice to prioritize myself even when it’s challenging. I’ve learned that the best way to improve my relationships with others is to cultivate a strong, loving relationship with myself. This journey isn’t always easy, but it’s the most rewarding one I’ve taken. And in prioritizing my relationship with myself, I’ve discovered the kind of love that is unwavering, unapologetic, and absolutely worth it.
