5 Acts of Self-Love That Helped Me Heal From a Breakup
No one tells you how raw it feels when a relationship ends. It’s like pieces of you get ripped apart, and you’re left standing in them, wondering what’s left of you. When I went through my breakup, it wasn’t just the loss of the other person that hit hard—it was the realization that I had lost so much of myself in the process.
I didn’t have all the answers right away. And the healing didn’t happen over night. But what got me through wasn’t anyone else swooping in to fix me. It was me deciding, moment by moment, to show up for myself in ways I never had before. Here’s what I learned about self-love when I had nothing else to hold onto.
I Stopped Romanticizing What Wasn’t Real
I spent way too much time replaying the good moments, thinking, Maybe if I had just tried harder… But the truth? The whole relationship wasn’t good. And the “potential” I was holding onto was never real.
Self-love started when I forced myself to stop rewriting history. I had to see it for what it really was—both the good and the bad. Once I did, I could let go of the fantasy and start focusing on the reality I wanted to build for myself.
I Got Comfortable Being Alone With My Thoughts
The silence after a breakup is loud. At first, I tried to fill it—music, movies, scrolling endlessly, anything to avoid the quiet. But the more I avoided it, the heavier it felt.
One day, I just sat with it. No distractions, no numbing. It was uncomfortable as hell, but eventually, I realized I wasn’t afraid of the silence—I was afraid of what I might find in it. Self-love looked like sitting with those messy, painful thoughts and letting them pass instead of running from them.
I Gave Myself Permission to Be Angry
I always thought anger was something I wasn’t allowed to feel, like it wasn’t “graceful” enough. But pretending I was fine didn’t heal anything. It just buried the hurt deeper.
So, I let myself feel it. I wrote it down. I screamed into a pillow. I let it out at the gym, I allowed myself to cry. That anger had been sitting in me for so long, and releasing it was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done. Self-love was letting myself feel everything I’d been holding back without apologizing for it.
I Stopped Looking for Validation
Breakups have a way of making you question your worth. I found myself wanting to prove something—whether it was to them, to other people, or even to myself. But chasing validation only left me feeling emptier.
Self-love looked like stepping back and asking, Why do I need their approval? Why do I need anyone’s approval? I started doing things just for me, not because I wanted someone to notice or applaud, but because it made me feel good. That shift was everything.
I Chose to Forgive Myself
Here’s the part no one talks about: forgiving yourself is often harder than forgiving the other person. I spent so much time blaming myself for what went wrong—what I did, what I didn’t do, all the red flags I ignored.
But holding onto that blame was just another way of punishing myself. Self-love wasn’t about excusing my mistakes—it was about owning them, learning from them, and then letting them go. The past didn’t need to define me unless I let it.
Final Thoughts
Breakups aren’t just about losing a person; they’re about rediscovering yourself in the aftermath. And sometimes, that rediscovery isn’t pretty or inspiring—it’s messy, uncomfortable, and painfully slow.
But every time I chose to love myself, even in the smallest ways, I felt a little more whole. Healing wasn’t about fixing myself; it was about remembering that I was never broken to begin with. If you’re in that place right now, just know this: the love you’re looking for isn’t out there. It’s already in you, waiting for you to come back to it.